Tuesday, February 3, 2015
I love the way Neo's eyes light up in anticipation every time I take my bra off. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. for over 25 years and counting. I say to him "they're not that exciting," he says "oh yes they are. No matter the size or shape, tits are always exciting." His enthusiasm is one of his best qualities. Right now he has a full faced beard that's just filled in all the gaps. He is also beautifully bald, which if you think about it might seem silly, but he pulls it off sexily. I love the way it feels to continue the closeness of a kiss by running my lips and cheek along his soft fuzzy face.
He's my everything. My light when I feel so heavy, but these days he's my absolute anchor.
It's been two years. There are a million words I could plow down about the time that's passed, but not one tells me where to begin. I don't know what I need to say. I'm not sure what I'll gain from the telling. Or if moving forward bit by bit and letting it go is best. It somehow doesn't seem fair to the experience to quickly summarize, but I also know that my writing skills could never do it justice no matter how many details I expose.
I have this "Soothing Waters" radio playing on Pandora. It's allowing me to begin this blog again. I've been having a little crisis of identity lately and often I think this "Nastassja" part of myself has gone. For the past 6 months I've been in a fragile enough state that I know I shouldn't make any rash decisions, so for now she's staying there sitting in the corner of my mind.
I haven't gone back to look at where I left off on this blog. I know I quit writing the moment I met him... But not because of him, there were other things I was dealing with at the time. I was let down by an allergic reaction to chemicals the week before I was supposed to start a specialized lab school/progam. I was devistated by that news and it wasn't the first time my body had betrayed me at the final step of a big "dream" I had worked hard for. For a moment in time, meeting him was just a distraction I needed. I didn't know... It happened so fast, mere days.
I didn't know it would change my life.
Right from the start, you were a thief you stole my heart.
And I, your willing victim. ~ Pink
Friday, March 8, 2013
The anticipation had been building for weeks and here we were; the four of us Neo+Nastassja and Megan+Ryan, in a beachside hotel room.
The stones of our sexy friendship had been laid carefully and the sexual tension was as tasty as the jello shots we’d sucked off each other’s bodies in the pool hall earlier. We watched them on the bed next to us for a few minutes that stretched slow as molasses, not sure what to do next. I sat perched on the edge of our bed facing them as my husband, Neo, kissed along my neck and whispered the details happening across the small gulf between our beds. “They are kissing…he’s touching her,” he said. My body hummed with anticipation; I could only watch through my peripheral vision, too nervous to stare blatantly as Neo was doing from behind my shoulder. His whispers sent goose bumps down my neck to my toes. “Oh! She’s going down on him honey. Get over there! Let’s go!” And with that comment he gave me a firm push off the edge I was teetering on, literally. I walked to the end of their bed, remembering the promise I made to myself and them earlier to be brave and crawl in bed with them. Neo walked to the side next to her and watched as I slowly crawled towards them. Megan sat up and that’s the first time Ryan’s cock appeared before me. I slowed my movements towards them as Neo climbed into bed behind her…the three of them with their heads at the top of the bed. Neo and I locked eyes for a moment. He gave me the yes with his eyes as he asked Megan, “is it ok?” My face hovered close enough for Ryan to feel the heat from my cheeks and the warmth of my breath. Megan’s voice cracked and as she said yes I instantly took him into my mouth. There was an audible sigh from all four of us as we moved into a new realm of feeling; hands moved everywhere. I explored his cock with my tongue, the piercings new and interesting. I felt his enjoyment through his pulse. I felt hands in my hair. Neo pulled my hair back to watch and let me know how hot it looked to him. I felt wholly accepted and enjoyed in that moment. All of the fear and what ifs dissolved away.
As I was enjoying Ryan’s cock I looked up and saw Neo kissing Megan as his hands moved over her breasts. My mind took a moment to process that it was ok with me as well. After some time I felt the bed move as Neo went to go down on her. Ryan had a fistful of my hair and pulled me up to kiss him for the first time. It was hot and full of passion; there was no way for it not to be. As I hovered my body over his, I moved the top half partly over hers and looked down at them both below me. They made out beneath my tits, then each of them grabbed one and started to suck. It was the hottest vision I’d ever seen and I’ve burned it into my memory. At the same time, Ryan’s hand reached around my right thigh to touch my wet pussy. I moaned down at them as he pushed a finger into my opening and they continued to suck my nipples. I watched the pleasure in Megan’s face as my husband ate her pussy and I heard his moans as well as her body rocked beneath him. I reached down to touch her body and feel his head moving over her. She moaned and I bent down closer to kiss her. We made out as Ryan watched us girls, his fingers still working me as my husband pleasured her.
Ryan pulled me in for a kiss again as I straddled his hips feeling his hardness. He said it was time for my pussy to get eaten and flipped me onto my back. The two of us girls were on opposite ends of the bed, head to toe, skin to skin. As Ryan spread my thighs I relaxed into him going down on me. I was so nervous for that moment. It was a sea of sensations: touching Megan’s thigh with my hand, moving it to feel the back of Neo’s head moving on her and touching his muscled bicep wrapped around her thigh. I reached down with my other hand to feel Ryan’s hair as he sucked on my clit relentlessly. He put two or more fingers in me and teased my g-spot. I felt my entire body shake as pleasure ripped through me. Megan and I moaned in unison, building up a crescendo of intense moans, urging the guys to keep going. The sounds told us all we were both close to orgasm and I could tell the guys were on a mission to push us both over. I was on the edge of my orgasm and back down again more times than I can remember, my thighs shook uncontrollably. I heard Megan’s scream as she came next to me and squirted for my husband. We all collapsed for a moment, high on a cloud from our first experience together as lovers.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Planning our weekend together was no easy task on their part, so when she called and said she had a babysitter for the entire weekend I could hardly believe it. For a little less than two weeks we anticipated the beach getaway. We’d share a room with a kitchen on the beach, with a private balcony. It was perfect. The weekend before we didn’t get to see each other and we blew up kik with all of our nervous energy conversations. Each of us in turn expressed our uncertainties as they came up and the others would rally to help that person out. We realized we all had the same worries: Will I be good enough? Will they like me? Will I chicken out? Who will make the first move? How will it happen? What will it be like? Looking back, it's amazing we all discussed these things so openly.
It was a rough week at work for each of us on different days that week and we helped each other through it with the promise of a great getaway to come. We counted down the hours. We started making nervous jokes on Wednesday before the Friday of our weekend. We packed and sent pictures and updates on the progress, sharing our excitement. Neo took the day off work Friday which made it a relaxed morning for us and I was so grateful for the help packing. The two of them had to work, so would be arriving at the hotel around dinner time. We planned to get there earlier and check in, but we didn’t want to claim the room with our luggage until they got there.
The drive over with Neo was so much fun. We talked and listened to music. “I can’t believe we are doing this,” we said. We got to the beach town, checked in, and gave our room a quick look over. We decided to spend our free time shopping for the drinks and snacks we’d need to stock our mini kitchen. The shopping trip was even fun and gave whipped cream and other items in the store a new meaning. We felt like we had such a naughty secret!
Finally, Ryan and Megan arrived. We all hugged and moved the luggage into the room. It was obvious we were all nervous.
I should take a moment to describe them. Ryan is around 6’ tall, slightly taller than me which is all that really matters to me. He’s of a medium build, dark hair, smart eyes, and loves to wear hats. He’s metro and stylish, but still feels manly to me with plenty of hair on his chest. *wink* His belt and shoes tend to match. He wears plaid, I like that. He’s completely opposite from my very tall, smoothly bald, Neo, except they both have a goatee, and I like that, too. Megan is a cute shortie, about 5’3” or so and a ball of fun. She has dirty blonde hair, a slim face, and mischievous smile that lights up a room. Her hips and thighs are beautifully wide compared to her narrow waist and ample breasts. Her skin is a beautiful cream and soft to the touch. She looks fairly innocent but when she speaks you know there is a little rebel inside.
Ryan suggested we find some place to go out, have drinks, and have some fun. We found a pool hall and he drove us all there. The place was large with many tables and a medium sized bar. Two groups of people were playing pool and just one person was sitting at the bar. We claimed a spot and ordered drinks. The guys started shooting pool and we easily got comfortable with each other like all of the other times we had hung out together. Then came the Jello shots… We took turns placing them on each others’ bodies getting more daring with each round: on plump asses, in deep cleavage, and in the guys’ zippers. We posed for even more daring pictures, putting on quite a show for the other patrons in the place; it wasn’t our town and we definitely left our inhibitions at the door. The pool game was forgotten as we posed on the table. I’d never been so daring in public and it was a blast! By the end of the night there was NO question what was happening when we all got back to our room. And just in case there was any doubt left, Neo announced it to the entire bar before we all walked out!!!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
We went to a vanilla party held by some of our friends. Our friends, I'll call them The Mentors, are in the Lifestyle, but most at the party are unaware of this...a mixed party, if you will. The mentors told us they had a couple they wanted to set us up with. They were newbies just like us and they thought we had many things in common and would hit it off. They would be at this party.
The stage was set for us all to meet, or so I thought. The couple was pointed out to us by the mentors and we thought they were cute. As the party progressed I noticed their sense of humor was like ours and as the drinks started to flowe we were the life of the party and they started gravitating toward us…towards me. Neo was keeping his large personality dimmed a little bit and distanced himself from me somewhat, letting me flirt with them. And flirt I did….especially with the girl. She kept commenting on my cleavage, my necklace, looking for excuses to touch me. At the end of the night the four of us ended up on a large square sectional couch (the mentors have somewhat of a perfect swinger house LOL!!!). Neo and I drank too much and neither of us could drive home. I really felt bad about this because that NEVER happens…usually one of us will behave to be the driver! This made it look like we were being a little pushy (in my mind). The couple didn’t seem to mind and at one point I thought they would stay there with us as everyone left and maybe we would fool around. I really hoped! I was sooo attracted to her beautiful smile, her curves, and the sexy comments she kept making about my boobs and boots alike!
Here’s where it really got interesting…about 3 a.m. a group of people passing by the “couch”on their way out included her closest friends and they commented that we all looked mighty comfortable. Her best friend planted herself right between us and then convinced them to go home with her! I was totally just “cock blocked”! I tell you, looking back the next day, I was never prouder in my life. Before this year I never would have done something to warrant undue attention to myself, much less get cock blocked!!! I was high fiving Neo all day long as he laughed and laughed at me, never prouder.
About 4 am, before letting Neo sleep it off for a couple hours, I gave him a BJ on our friends’ sectional…completely fair play in this situation (if only you knew the things they have done in my hot tub!) And I do believe that one of their swinger girlfriends watched from around the kitchen corner. Tsk tsk…!
The next day was a blur…The high I felt after flirting with that couple carried me through pulling the first all-nighter in maybe a decade. I sent her a message on a social website and reintroduced myself as “sober Nat” and asked her for forgiveness if I was inappropriate. I assured her that I had never come on to a woman like that before, but I thought she was hot. Her response was “here’s my number.” I was on cloud 9! I cannot even tell you. We started texting and the flirting continued. She wondered if I was flirting with her man as well or was it just for her…I said yes, him too. The two of them weren’t sure and had been discussing it!
Come to find out our mutual friends did NOT tell them about Neo and I… I was flabbergasted! I thought they knew about us, and about being "set up" with us. I thought all the signs were there at the party. Turns out I did this all on my own. So, I just went ahead and told them that we were interested in them as a couple and that we were new. We had done our “research” but had not gone all the way with anyone yet. They were in sort of the same boat…with less research and only a few conversations about it. They were interested in us, too.
Because I am not comfortable with what I like to call “side” conversations (with my husband and another woman) and the guy in their couple felt left out of us two girls texting, the four of us got on kik together and the group dating began this way. We talked daily, nearly every waking hour we could. We all waited for our phone’s notifications to say there was a message waiting. We found our music and outdoors interests to be very close and we learned a lot of what each others likes and dislikes were. We talked about our passions in life, a large part of that being sex.
Every weekend for the next 6 weeks we found a way to hang out together. She had a surprise party thrown for her; we showed up and surprised her even more. We hid our attraction for each other among her drunken young friends (except our mutual friends/mentors who looked on and smiled). They pulled us into their fold. As we went along we made small rules, like we were to be strictly friends unless all four were present. We slept on an air mattress in their apartment as they tried to bring the roof down above us; and he made us breakfast in the morning. We spent time with her kids and when they went to sleep we flirted on their couch, exchanging foot rubs. We didn’t kiss, we were nervous like 12 year olds. We went to the beach as friends and hid our secret talks on kik as unsuspecting people sat near us in vanilla conversations. Our relationship began to feel like a relationship…new and exciting for all of us, with no one really putting a name on it. Issues came up but we all confronted them head on and they would be resolved very quickly. It was the most honest and open I had been in my life and I know Neo felt the same way.
We had to see where this could really go and the sexual tension had built up to a boiling point. We planned a long weekend together, completely alone, with no pretenses about it…
Friday, March 1, 2013
We were starting to feel a little disappointed that we have been on a lifestyle website for several months and looking to meet other couples, but so far we had only had one date set up (they cancelled the morning of) and others who would email us positively but then just quit responding. We changed our profile several times making it sound more like us. That seemed to help and three couples started a conversation with us during the week.
The weekend came along and with it being the only time I had off work in 6 weeks, we were going to make the most of the entire weekend. Saturday we took the boat out to the coast by ourselves and it was heaven….just heaven out there. Neo did some fishing and swimming and I did some nude sunbathing and photography taking ;)
On the way home Saturday night we got a message from a couple in another town and we mentioned to them we were going to a beach near them the next day if they wanted to meet us. Sunday morning we got up still nicely exhausted from our boating day and we drove to the beach. The couple emailed and said he had to work, so they couldn’t join us. Late in the afternoon she text me and said her husband would be home around 6pm if we wanted to come over and have dinner with them; They lived fairly close to where we were. I said sure but keep in mind we had no fancy clothes to change into and only a pool shower at our disposal. She offered for us to use their shower and spare room if we felt the need.
On the way there I was a nervous wreck, but excited and giddy at the same time. Actually, I think Neo was more nervous than I was ;) Luckily, I found some extra clothes in our truck from the boating day before, so we stopped at a drug store to freshen up. As we got closer to the house the nerves really kicked into high gear. She texted us at the last minute to say her husband would be running late, but we could still come and hang out until he got there.
Let me take a moment to say we had previously decided we would only meet someone in public for the first meeting AND only with both of them present...here we were breaking two rules… After our texts back and forth I felt comfortable enough with her to do this. It may have been mistake #1.
We pulled up and she came outside to greet us. She was absolutely gorgeous in her pictures, which was what made me excited to meet them both… I really looked forward to flirting with her, but in person she was a little less so (in my eyes). I complimented her and told her she was beautiful. She had (I’m not sure how to put this…) a giant ass --which Neo fell instantly in love with. He truly likes big butts and he cannot lie. LOL!
We got inside and met her big puppy, which helped break the ice. After just a few minutes Neo handed her a few beers from our beach cooler to put into her fridge and as she started to do so it became like a metaphor for me in slow motion-- her putting his beer in her fridge. I looked down at my hand holding a water bottle and it was shaking uncontrollably, so I set it down and headed over to the couch to sit. There was talking going on but all I could think was “OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE? And HOW am I going to get out of this?” Being in her home, her private space must have freaked me out. Now I was stuck at her place, stuck making idle chit chat while we wait on her husband, and stuck having dinner with them before I felt it was polite to leave. It is that politeness in me that ruins me every time! What I really wanted to do was grab my husband and run like a bat out of hell. I had promised myself I would speak up and tell Neo when I wanted to go, but so quickly into walking into her house I couldn’t do it.
Ok, so we sat down, the two of us on one couch and her on the other. She was making idle chit chat and doing her laundry, being very casual folding her little thongs. We had some laughs and got to know one another a bit. We did actually have some fun with her. But, things got a little weird for me when she mentioned they'd brought home a girl from the bar just the night before and ended up “banging her until past 4am.” She said they were being “very bad.” Hey, I know swingers do this and I’m not judging. I just found it a little off-putting to be hearing about the girl you fucked just a few hours ago when we are just meeting for the first time. She also mentioned they were from up North (we live in the South) and they have found northern swingers are much different than southern. I didn’t get a chance to ask her what she meant because her husband called and interrupted us. (Out of curiosity, if any of my readers have an insight on this please do share it!)
After speaking with him she kept mentioned we should all go eat at an Italian place across the road and how they have magnificent garlic rolls… GARLIC? Red flags went up for Neo and I.
The husband arrived home almost two hours later. First impression was, he's short and I am not attracted. I am a fairly tall woman and I tend to not be attracted to men shorter than me. Maybe I thought I could try if the personality was there and I was attracted to his wife, then it would be no big deal. Possibly mistake #2.
We decide to walk across the street from their place to eat pizza. They are regulars, everybody knows their name there. Before we sat down Neo realized he forgot his wallet in our truck because we had been on the beach, so I end up sitting down at the table with the two of them. The waiter came over and overheard me say to the couple, “it smells soooo good in here” and he said with a flirty smile, “Oh, it must be me you’re smelling.” Without missing a beat I looked at him and said “Are you on the menu?”
Can you even imagine the looks on their faces? I blushed so hard. I said to him that I was sorry for that, but I just had to and he admitted he walked right into that one. Possibly mistake #3.
Ok OK! Looking back this was probably a BIG mistake and very rude and had the date been going better I might not have done that. The waiter was a hottie and was flirting with me so I totally gave it back without thinking. The minute it was out of my mouth I was blushing and regretting it. (On the other hand, someone we clicked with would understand my humor and welcome it, I should think.)
Neo came back to the table and had no idea this has happened and later told me he was wondering why the atmosphere had changed when he got to the table (LOL!) Oh, we died laughing at my slipup the entire car ride home.
At dinner I was so nervous and could only think of how to get us out of this situation. I am practically silent and cannot eat, not even a half a slice of pizza. Looking back, it was my first experience with a panic attack of this magnitude. All three of them were staring at me like something was wrong with me because it really was amazing pizza. I thought it was some kind of “sign” that they weren’t into us when they kept insisting we all try the garlic knots. Could that have been their code for No? I was overthinking things… The guys talked about (boring) work stuff and us girls didn’t talk about much of anything. It felt awkward.
We got back to their place and things only got worse. They put sports on the tv (another sign?) and we weren’t into it that much. We all tried to talk. They asked us how long we’d been in the lifestyle…not long of course; they were the first we’d ever met! Then, she got up to answer a text from a friend…a little bit of drama there (more red flags) and she continued to do some laundry. I finally convinced Neo we had to get out of there. There were some awkward goodbye hugs.
The next day we wrote them thanking them for a nice dinner but that we didn’t feel a connection with them. They acted totally surprised and said how great we were and said they wanted to hang out again. It was all very confusing for me and I didn’t think I ever want to do that sort of thing again!
The next weekend we had our good friend’s birthday party to attend…with full intention of being done with our Lifestyle experiment. It’s funny how when you’re done with something in life you are tested on that conviction…
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Our birthdays are pretty close together and to celebrate Neo surprised me with a trip to the beach. We swam in the ocean and in the hotel pool all day and had sex on the couch in our room before our friends showed up. We swam some more and we all went for dinner and drinks that night. We sat on an outdoor deck listening to live music and had an amazing time. In the back of both our minds was the thought that the only thing we would have liked better would have been sharing this day with a swinging couple. As much as we have talked about swinging and put ourselves out there, it just hasn’t happened yet. So, this was on our minds that day while we chatted with our vertical friends.
Later that night, after they all went home it was time to get down to birthday business. There was some kind of party going on in the room next to ours and we spent some time trying to listen to what they were saying. They laughed a lot and it sent me into my own inebriated giggles. As we lay snuggled together my dirty thoughts turned to words easily. It didn’t take long before I started confessing some of my deeper desires. Something happens when you admit a deep truth to your closest love. I felt a sense of freedom and acceptance that is hard to explain. The honesty had me floating on clouds as our hands and mouths moved over each other’s sun kissed skin. I was embarrassed at some of my confessions, but he said it was ok. It was all ok. So, I kept on confessing…
I admitted to both him and myself that Yes, I am attracted to women and if the right one came along I would have sex with her. Not only do I want to swing with the male of a couple, but the female, too. I want them both. I want her and I to share each other and then enjoy our men together.
I had pushed this side of myself back for so long and for many different reasons, but here I was, truly opening that door inside of myself. It was Hot….super hot! Neo and I were overwhelmed with passion for each other as I talked about what I would do to her as he watched. He couldn’t believe what I was saying. Something in him recognized the truth of my words and knew that I wasn’t just saying these things in fantasy or just to turn him on. I really, truly “want” a woman for myself. We were both completely out of breath at the end of this sexy night.
Much like the first time I admitted to him I would like to explore the Lifestyle, I feel a new sexual charge taking over me. It’s a whole new world out there….again!
Now…what to do about not having any luck finding couples who want to play! I didn’t know it would be such a challenge.